I’M ALIVE!

Growing up I would constantly dream about my life’s future. I would mentally obsess over the details due to my disposition in life. Whether a day-dream or while I slept, I would put an emphasis on making sure that nothing would deter me. I honestly really meant it. More than anything, I felt that I owed it to myself to make certain shit happen because I had learned at a young age that you cannot depend on anyone.

Until… that time came. When the time presented itself for me to make things happen, the circumstances wouldn’t allow. The circumstances weren’t the same as I had envisioned in my head. I wasn’t in control of life, life was in control of me and there was nothing that I could do about it. See when having these dreams that I speak of followed by thoughts and visions, I never imagined that one couldn’t change their circumstances if need be. I didn’t quite understand that in life that there would be many things that I couldn’t control past what I already couldn’t control. These dreams, thoughts, and visions began at a very young age (younger than the average due to my circumstances) and according to what I was taught from the time I started school, the direction of my life is what I want it to be. I was taught that dreams come true. Therefore, I had no inclination that I would have no control. I envisioned finally being in control all to learn that I had no control over certain things and that I had to learn to accept.

There was a time when I just couldn’t accept certain things because of a lack of understanding. Once understood there were just some things that I still couldn’t accept because I didn’t feel that I had to. For so long my lack of acceptance has held me back along with causing massive amounts of stress. The power of acceptance is real and now I can feel. I can feel the joy in life, the happiness that everyone around me has always expressed. I can feel alive instead of burdened with my lack of acceptance towards certain things because I have learned that I am the only one who suffers from it. I can feel that my life is finally headed in the right direction, the direction that I have always dreamed of.

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